Undecided

Well it seems I am really good at writing about once a month.

Why is it that my life seems to only come into focus for small moments throughout the week and if I'm really lucky, multiple times a day? Probably because my mind is so full of unnecessary things and I haven't found the best way to remove the clutter. I guess over the years, out of habit, or just out of pure comfort I keep that clutter around. It's nice to have a head full of things that at one point were so important.

Probably a good time to get rid of many unimportant things.

I've discovered something about my silly self. I have a tendency to ruin things. However usually those things that I think I have ruined haven't even had a chance to develop. I am just now learning about my defense mechanisms. This new delightful discovery shines a substantial amount of light on certain habits I have. It's always easier to end something before it has a chance to end you. While it may seem like a good tactical move on my part. I dont want it.

I want to be fearless, not irrational or implusive, but take those necessary chances that are required by some unspoken law. There are certain things I feel are meant to be done and I fear that I haven't done many of them. I am careful, cautious and I think way too much about everything. What does that make me? Boring?

It makes me Undecided...

I'm sure normal blogs are supposed to contain a log of all the things I am doing, however since I consider my day to day activities typical, I'd rather write whatever I'm thinking. I refuse to be a "type." I want there to be no words to describe, because that's usually how I feel. So let my writing reflect the words I cannot find to explain the thoughts in my head.